Shake it Out

it's hard to dance
with the devil on your back

so shake it out, oh-oh

My kinder kids have kindergarten problems. She took my crayons. He called me a name. They aren't sharing.

Middle school kids have middle school problems. Fitting in. Wearing the right clothes. Puberty. Acne. Getting the class with the cute boy.

College people have college problems. What do I want to do when I grow up? Who will be my roommate next year? How will I pay for everything? Where is my husband?

It stands to reason, therefore that adults have adult problems. And I am an adult now, whether I want to believe it or not. (Not that I still don't question what I want to be when I grow up...)

cancer.
divorce.

miscarriages.

cheating.

hospitals.

My friends are going through these things now. And I'm hurting alongside them.

I learned a while ago that there are some problems you can't solve (shh! don't tell my kinders!). Some hurts don't magically go away with the right words and a hug. Some actions can't be explained rationally. Some diagnoses can't be expected or reversed.

Sometimes all you can do is pray and sit quietly by their side like Job's friends did.
Then get in your car, shake it off, and ask Jesus to take care of them.

it's always darkest before the dawn

Dancing in the New Year

While I don't believe in resolutions (why wait til the new year to change what needs to be changed?) Javi and I have been discussing our health recently.

I'm a stubborn person. When ppl said "freshman 15" as I left for college, I decided I would NOT be a statistic and began to be unhealthy. When I saw that a lot of ppl fall into the "I'm married now" weight gain we decided that we would NOT fall into that either. I still for the life of me can't figure out why ppl gain when they get married (you don't just "let yourself go") but it really does happen. As I am not pregnant and have no babies, I have no excuse for my body to not be in it's ideal weight*.

*I refer to ideal weight not as a perfect number but at the weight where I feel the healthiest and strongest. When I do not feel like I'm carrying much excess and I can physically do all the things I want to do.

As I've been looking for some exercises to spice up my weight training/yoga routine I see some music playlists for exercising. But the music either a) sucked or b) was something I've never heard of - making it very unlikely that I would actually take the time to download and listen to all those songs.

So here, for you resolution lovers who are gearing up for a new year, new you - I give you some excerpts from my workout playlists:

Guilty Pleasure Pop-

1- Womanizer (Britney)

2- Since U Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson)

3- Get On Your Boots (U2)

4- Shake Me Like a Monkey (Dave Matthews Band)

5- Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake)

6- Single Ladies (Beyonce)

7- Ain't No Other Man (Christina Aguilera)

8- Party Rock Anthem (LMFAO)

9- Fighter (Christina Aguilera)

10- Say Hey I Love You (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

11- Don't Stop the Music (Rihanna)

12- Roller Coaster of Love (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

13- Cowboy Casanova (Carrie Underwood)

14- Hey Mama (Mat Kearney)

15- Dog Days are Over (Florence and the Machine)

Hip-Hop Pop Playlist

1- Yeah (Usher)

2- Fergalicious (Fergie)

3- Apple Bottom Jeans (Flo Rida)

4- Bon Bon Bon (Pitbull)

5- Rude Boy (Rihanna)

6- OMG (Will.I.am and Usher)

7- Shake Ya Tailfeather (Nelly)

8- Pose (Daddy Yankee)

9- Bon bon (Pitbull)

10- Fire Burning (Sean Kingston)

11- I Like You Just The Way You Are (Timbaland)

12- Abusadora (Wisin and Yandel)

13- Boom Boom Pow (Black Eyed Peas)

14- In Da Club (50 Cent)

15- Tonight I'm Loving You (Enrique and Ludacris)

A Little More Rock Playlist

1- Uprising (Muse)

2- Spotlight (Mutemath)

3- Never Take Friendship Personal (Anberlin -- really, anything from this album is golden)

4- Dismantle Repair (Anberlin)

5- Eye of the Storm (Blindside)

6- Going Under (Evanescence)

7- Bring Me To Life (Evanescence)

8- Coming Back to Life (Blindside)

9- Are You Gonna Be My Girl (Jet)

10- Crushcrushcrush (Paramore)

11- That's What You Get (Paramore)

12- Howl (Florence and the Machine)

13- 1901 (Phoenix)

14- Cochise (Audioslave)

15- Gives You Hell (All American Rejects)

my nose is froze

In honor of December I've collected a few thoughts for you --

YOU KNOW YOUR HOUSE IS COLD WHEN:

- you wear socks and shoes in the house (if you know me, you know this is a big deal)

- you take the hottest shower possible

- you dream about taking a hot shower only to awake disappointed bc you're still cold

- you actually enjoy it when your 50 lb dog sits on top of you

- you wrap yourself in a blanket as you walk around the house

- you blow dry your hair for just a little longer than necessary (and maybe your hands too!)

- your dog sticks to your side when you do the 2 above

- you find an excuse to bake so you can turn on the oven

- you walk around quoting lines from 101 Dalmatians (when they were walking in the snow)

- you arrive at school and celebrate the next 7.5 hours of heat

- you thank God for your 15 min commute in the car and crank the heat up

- you volunteer to hand wash the dishes (hot water!!)

- you feel no difference in temperature when you open the fridge

- you sleep through your gym time to stay underneath the electric blanket

and finally

You brave the scary open flame heat in the 1940s rental house and finally turn on the heat!! Yeah!!

take a break to praise

So yeah, the last time I sat down to write was about 3 months ago. What a whirlwind life I lead - but let me take a moment in the eye of the storm to praise the Lord for what He has done!!

JAVI IS A US RESIDENT!

You're probably thinking "That's great!! (but what does that mean??)"

- drivers license

- work visa

- insurance

- freedom to come and go in and out of the US as desired for the next 2 yrs

- no worries about grumpy immigration officers or cops detaining him

- a right to all the freedoms that you and i enjoy every day!

"Wow, Michelle! How did that happen?"

- We worked through the Open Doors Immigration Service to prepare a strong documented case that we are actually married. We signed a lot of paperwork and answered a lot of questions.

- We sent these documents to US Immigration at the beginning of August. Javi received directions to get his SS number, work visa, fingerprints, etc and then we received our interview date.

We prepared with our lawyer and then went to the interview. It was a lot easier than we expected and after hardly no wait, he was approved!

Thank You Jesus for showing us the way, helping us to do things well, and to follow your voice in each step. Thank You for preparing the way for us and for being so faithful as to care for Your children always!

dear lord, i'm a kindergarten teacher

Yes, it's true, my faithful audience of one. I am 20 someones' Kindergarten teacher. This idea didn't really hit me until I was knee deep in children and head swarming with 40 parents in my classroom on Meet the Teacher night.

I was terrified. I dreamt all sorts of crazy things and prepared my heart for the worst. The first week has come and gone and I have survived.

Yes the first week is over and it was full of tears (theirs and mine), screams (theirs and mine), frustrations and giggles.

I am now a shepherd (see: herding cats),
an encourager (do your best!),
an artist (teaching the next generation to draw-- yikes!),
a singer (yes, some of my students have plugged their ears this week during my attempts to get the class to clean up),
a disciplinarian (maybe the 1st time for some of them),
a referee (that's mine, no, that's MINE!!)
a teacher.

hijole, gina.

***

Funny moment of the week:
We were practicing walking in a line in the hallway. As I told them to put their hands behind their backs, one of my students shouted "My phalanges!"
you can't make this stuff up.

getting your hands dirty

Something about tearing up soil for new fresh plants always makes me reflective on the words of God. Maybe because He commonly referred to salvation and His love in ways that farmers would understand. Maybe because it's something earthy and natural - we came from a garden and it was a task of our to cultivate.

Either way - here's what I was thinking this am as I attacked my soil for the first time at the (rented) house.

When discipling (which is just a fancy word for pouring into someone who may be younger than you or younger in their faith than you) there are some things we can learn from our gardens.

STEP 1: Attack the soil.



This does not mean attack the person. This is God 's work and He usually does this before that person ever meets you - this is when He tears their world upside down. Sometimes gently with his hands He'll turn the soil over...sometimes He rips it apart with a hoe. Either way God prepares the person's heart for what's to come.

STEP 2: Clean the soil



Also God's work, He is the one who cleans us and makes us new. However, we can come alongside others and help point out where the roots of sin (anger, bitterness, lust, greed, pride, etc) are affecting that person's life.
Deut. 29:18b make sure there is no root among you that produces bitter poison.

Roots run deep and while they make look shallow on the surface, often they are tangled and deep, choking the joy that God offers us in our new abundant life.

^{Matthew 13:22} The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.



Sometimes they are not easy to pull out alone. We can also get our hands dirty and fight against these roots with that person, teaching them to find their strength in God and to trust in Him daily to wage war against these things.

STEP 3: Plant the seed!

Speak truth!!

^{Zechariah 8:16} These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts,” declares the LORD.

STEP 4: Give the plant some love.



Not all gardeners do this but I like to add some Miracle Gro because I'm not the best gardener. Not every person disciples with love but it's necessary because we're all sinners and in need of forgiveness. If you do not love and encourage the person you're with you will appear condescending and although your words may be true, they may not be heard. However we are commanded to love one another and that this directly reflects our love for God. If you want to disciple, you must love.

STEP 5: Hope for the best



Maybe more experienced gardeners skip this step but as I seem to have a black thumb I know that I can do as much as I can and then leave the rest to the sun and the soil. I can't control the growth of others but I can entrust them to God. This is through prayer. Pray pray pray.

^{1 Cor 3:7} So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

STEP 6: DON'T NEGLECT YOUR GARDEN



Discipling (living life with others), like gardening, isn't a one time thing. It's a continual caring for process. If you could plant it and forget it, well then it wouldn't be community. You must water and weed your plants regularly for them to grow, just like you must seek relationship with this person regularly. This is through accountability, continual truth and prayer, encouragement, rebuke, and time. Hopefully in time you with both see fruit!

^{Gal 5:22-23} But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

baking the elizalde way!

Javi loves it when I bake. And when I have time, I love to do it too. There's something satisfying about making (somewhat) healthy and (absolutely) delicious desserts in your little kitchen and then sharing it with the one you love (or eat it all by yourself -- no judgment here!)

Since we are trying to clean out our fridge/pantry before we move I decided to bake a little goodness so here is the most recently concocted recipe, based on an AllRecipes recipes + elizalde style! I call it: Autumn Crisp (because it looks so much like Fall!)

In a 9x13 pan, grease and cover in your choice of fruits. Favorite choices - pineapple, strawberry, dried cranberries, peaches, apples. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar and lightly drizzle some vanilla on top.



(The original recipe mentions to add a splash of water on top, but I added some moscato because that's what I drink when I bake or cook for fun!)


(Another baking tip: You'll need some good music too. I recommend: The Civil Wars, Mumford and Sons, Norah Jones, Angus and Julia Stone, or Amos Lee!)

In a separate bowl, mix 5 tbsp of butter, 1 c sugar (or half white half brown sugar), the juice from the pineapple you added, and a 2/3 c of quick cooking oats (or you can do 1/2 c graham cracker crumbs and 1/2 c oats).



Add 1 c flour, 1 heaping spoonful of applesauce (this baker's favorite secret ingredient!), and a little more cinnamon.



Pour this on top of the fruit - gently mix and put in preheated oven (350 F) for about 30-40 minutes or until your oatmeal passes the toothpick test.



This would be delicious with ice cream but it's great morning, noon, or night just by itself! Happy baking!

casa - itis

MEDICAL HISTORY
We are moving from our 1st apt to our 1st (rented) house at the end of this month. We are both beyond excited (for a garden, a back yard, a grill, more rooms to decorate, our own washer and dryer) but as with anything in life, nothing comes easy.

SYMPTOMS
this month has been hard financially and *thankfully* I got paid today... but then I checked the mail and found more bills and a red light ticket ::sigh::

I keep having these money freakouts because that's my big idol - I like to have money to spend on what I want to spend it on (see above: rooms to decorate) but not to pay boring things (see above: bills, deposits, and tickets). I want it for me. I want a house that's as nice and put together as my friends'. And since they all have amazing house decorating skills there's this competitive/"not good enough" spirit where joy should be. And instead of saying "I want this house to reflect me" it's becoming a "I want my house to be cuter than my friends'..."

DIAGNOSIS
In all honesty, I want all the "r"s. I want a bigger house, a nicer car, fancier clothes, etc... You know, the materialistic dream (which, for many, causes more money problems and repeats the cycle of frustration).

All in all I'm learning that my heart is darker than I thought.
I'm more materialistic than I wish I was.
I'm less content than I realized.
I'm more broken than I choose to remember.

PRESCRIPTION
Money itself doesn't suck - it's an opportunity to show our trust in God, to learn wisdom and stewardship, to bless others, and to live in a way that shows our treasure is not here on earth.

my treasure is not in a house. or cute straight-out-of-a-decor-magazine rooms. or in a number in a bank account. my treasure cannot be taken away because I am a daughter of the King. and my treasure is in Him.

EXPECTED RECUPERATION TIME
although today my wicked heart tries to cling to things of this world for value, security, and comfort -one day You will set all things right -jj heller "your hands" Until then, I have a husband and friends who point me towards truth and a sympathetic God who knows and forgives.

what is heaven like?

[based of matt chandler's sermon "Transitions: Arriving"]

what is heaven like?
- fire and light (no more darkness!)
- protection (no need for locked doors, worries, anxiety!)
- refuge (no grief or pain!)
- a mystery now (we will understand completely, no confusion or questions!)
- treasure (the most valuable thing here is as commonplace as concrete or water here!)

everything beautiful we can imagine here
is but the fringes of what God has prepared in heaven

sounds great, no? oh wait, did i mention that GOD IS THERE?
God - the source of all goodness, satisfaction, love, wisdom - is there.
heaven isn't good because your childhood dog is there.
heaven isn't great because your family members are waiting for you.
heaven isn't cool because it's "all your favorite things"
heaven isn't desirable because of all the things i listed above.

heaven
isn't
about
you.
heaven isn't about you.
not
about
you.

It's a wedding feast, a celebration, a banquet celebrating our love for Jesus, who invites us into this treasure of a world with no darkness, no fear, no pain. who invites us to be forever with our 1st love.


so - if heaven is this great - there is nothing that isn't worth it. no sacrifice you make, no loss, no persecution that you face, no suffering that comes your way that isn't small and finite in comparison with f.o.r.e.v.e.r. with your love, where you are satisfied, loved, joyful, and protected.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

worship

Worship [wur-ship] noun, verb

1.reverent honor and homage paid to God

2. adoring reverence or regard
3. the object of adoring reverence or regard.

4. to feel an adoring or regard for

Things that create worship in me:

different generations of my family all in the same room


green and blue


my husband loving on my family


Fireflies


Identical twins


Waterfalls (my very first!)



My grandma's yellow house


Old historic things


My husband's love for me


(and his photography talent! wow!)

^{James 1:17} Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
thank You Father :)

some things change...some don't

Things that Change:

- I am now the newest Kindergarten teacher at my school. Mixed feelings...

- Javi and I are spending a.l.l. summer together. This should be interesting!

- We have been waking up early all summer because my dog's internal alarm clock says 6:30 am = potty time!

- We will soon be renting a cute house in the heart of Denton closer to the square! It has a backyard! Yeah!

- Paperwork for my husband's immigration status! *soon*

Things that Don't Change:
- Afternoon naps, berries, and poolside times still make summer the best season.


- We've been continuing our low food budget with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Yum!

- I've been creating my own summer recipes - my new favorite is Graham Cracker Fruit Tarts (graham cracker crumbs, applesauce, sugar, cinnamon - mix and spoon into muffin cups - bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes - spoon yogurt and fruit on top! yum!)


- Summer reading is the best - so far I've enjoyed Same Kind of Different as Me and I'm excited to start Joy Luck Club and Savvy. among many others!

- My husband is an uber talented photographer! (and for some reason fb won't let me copy his pics to put up here, sorry!)

- God is still faithful to hear and answer prayers :)

A month of firsts (and hopefully some lasts)

Some fun and not so fun things that have happened lately:

- Gave the TAKS test

- Almost passed out during the TAKS test, had to go to the ER for super low blood pressure – continued to fight this for about 2 weeks as my b.p. continued to drop randomly – much fear and anxiety as I prayed asking God to control the blood pumping through my veins…

- Got 2 new students – one who the Lord blessed me with for only 1 month instead of all 10 months (oh.my.goodness this child stresses me out)

- Maya grew a whole lot, lost her baby teeth and is learning more commands

- Went to happy hour with girls from work – I really am blessed to have good friends I work with, who support me and make me laugh

- Watched Pumas (soccer) games as Javi yelled at the TV and Mavs games as everyone else in Dallas yelled (Go Mavs!)

- RIP braces October 2009-April 2011 :D

- Went to Houston for a high school friend’s wedding (actually friend since 1^st grade although she and I fought a lot at first - she had glitter crayons and wouldn’t share with me!)

- Finished the “exciting” books of Leviticus and Numbers, started devouring Deuteronomy and loving it!

- Ate chicken cooked on a can of beer – yum!

- Felt really appreciated during Teacher Appreciation Week with all the candy, cards, flowers, and hugs

- Discovered Words with Friends – Javi says “stop playing that silly game!!” bc I play it a l l t h e t i m e

Looking forward to being the *hopefully* math and science teacher of 3rd grade next year! (i say hopefully because i still haven't signed a contract)

Left Maya alone for the first time - we're home now and she's acting funny (aka super sweet and obedient -- reflection post coming soon)

funny thing happened

Yes the stress has hit the fan this week, as predicted in the previous post. It was heightened by my unexpected new student we'll add to my list of impulsive ADD-type students in my class (in case you were counting that's 6 out of 19 now). And then, l a u g h t e r.

When: after the dog park
Where: sitting in traffic
The scene: listening to Bob Marley with the windows down

Girl in next car: Do you smoke?
Me: No, sorry. (thinking she's looking for a lighter, although that would be awkward in traffic)
Girl: Not cigarettes?
Me: No. (geez, I said no)
Girl: Not the other thing?
Me: No. (ooooh I get it) ... We just like Bob Marley.
Girl: Oh so you do smoke.
Me: No.
Girl: Not cigarettes but the other thing.
Me: No.
Girl: But... how can you like Bob Marley and not smoke the other thing? *drives away very confused*
Javi & I make the drivers behind us mad bc the light has turned green and we're laughing too hard to notice.

Ahhh, only in Denton. (Or California.)

calm before the storm

It is Sunday afternoon. one of my favorite times. currently i'm lying in bed (not feeling too well) with a belly full of my fast food indulgence (hey, i ate salads all week!). We broke our only golden dog rule and snuck her into our bedroom and Maya is sprawled on top of Javi awkwardly as they both lightly snore together.

*sigh*
the calm before the storm.

April will be a whirlwind of a month. Not just because of the TAKS test, every 3rd grade teacher (and student's) worst nightmare, and not just because of the countless meetings to have to scramble to get accommodations for students in writing before the test so they can receive them on the testing days. The whirlwind isn't just about work, although this does add to the to-do list. No, the whirlwind comes with (hopefully) some definition.

Tomorrow we meet with a lawyer to discuss our options as far as Javi's immigration status, current and future. We are hoping that now we have heard from the state of Texas that I do have a job next year we can get some good facts about our options. With gas prices going crazy we just can't afford to have Javi come and go every 6 months and we would love to have some extra income but can't until some paperwork is underway (or so we think...once again hopefully the lawyer will clear all that up for us).

Also I will hopefully be getting my braces off soon (not a moment *too* soon) and will be getting food allergy tested for the first time in my life. I know there's something I'm allergic to because of my recent strange reaction and my commonly swollen "Angelina Jolie" lip that comes and goes as it pleases. I'm a little nervous though because my mom is severely allergic to preservatives and because I haven't been able to figure out exactly what causes my reactions it could be something similar that is in everything. As long as they don't tell me that I'm allergic to fruit, wine, or chocolate I think I'll be okay ;)

I'm excited for changes, for guidance, and for light to shine on our path so we may walk clearly and with wisdom.

what we want, what we get

Listening to Dave Barnes (love him!!) and chuckling at how true his lyrics are for my life right now...

sometimes what we want isn't what we get

sometimes what we get ain't really what we want

As you may remember I decided last month to begin intentional month-long prayers for javi, myself, and our marriage. March was for humility. God is a generous God. sometimes i forget this.

The rug has been pulled out from underneath me in several big life circumstances. If I were to list them all here it would just be overwhelming - but trust me, it's hard gritty dramatic life stuff. This has sent me into a spiral of reflection, reaction, and repentance.

It's a daily battle between my emotions and human thoughts vs God's sovereignty and control. It's a daily battle between my trust in the victory and sufficience of the Cross vs my unbelief.
And it's a daily reminder of Who is in control.

I am like the grass.
I am like the wind.
I am like the grasshoppers.
I am but a lily in a field.
I am chaff blown away.
I am nothing.

I

am

nothing.

I know nothing.
I control nothing.
I can fix nothing.
I can heal nothing.
I can save nothing.
I can assure nothing.
I can plan nothing.

God alone is on the throne.

everything we have, everything we've got -- it was given

ain't a thing we need that heaven forgot -- it was given.

"O God most high, most glorious
The thought of Thine infinite serenity cheers me,
For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,
but Thou art for ever at perfect peace.
Thy designs cause Thee no fear or care of unfulfillment,
they stand fast as the eternal hills.
Thy power knows no bond, Thy goodness no stint.
Thou bringest order out of confusion,
and my defeats are Thy victories.
The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
I come to Thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,
to leave every concern entirely to Thee,
every sin calling for Christ's precious blood..." (Valley of Vision prayers)

heavy hearted

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

^{Jer 31:25} "I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

^{1 Peter 1:6-7} In all this you greatly rejoice,
though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—
of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—
may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

^{Ps 34:1} I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

^{1 Cor 15:57-58} Thanks be to God!
He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm.
Let nothing move you.
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,
because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

this has been a hard time.
a time of grief and sorrow.
a time of learning how to trust on the Lord.
a time of rejoicing in the grace of the cross.
a time of learning about the Victory of Christ.
a time of refining faith.

You know you own a dog/puppy when:

- Your blog is all about your dog
- You tell your students to "come" "stay" "sit" or "don't bite me" (that last one is a joke but lately, I wouldn't be surprised...)
- Your husband and you talk about the dog's bowel movements every time you talk
- You pray to ask for a servant's heart when the dog whines at 2am
- You become very clean only so the dog won't eat any of your stuff
- You find dog treats in your pockets while at work
- You bleed from over-zealous dog play
- You research all different kinds of dog breeds to find puppies that look like your mutt
- You have "dog" pajamas and pajamas you actually allow to enter into your sheets
- You finally make friends with your neighbors of 7 months (they have dogs too)
- You show off your dog's picture to any passerby who didn't ask

but how could you not adore her? she's just so cute!!

Maya

Javi and I are taking that "next step" in our relationship -- we're getting a puppy! I've wanted a puppy for a very long time - (6 years now) and my super persuasive arguments and eyelash batting have finally won out. Saturday morning we went to the Denton animal shelter and picked out the most beautiful and (probably) intelligent dog there.
(sidenote: I say probably because we don't have her yet. But like any good dog mom, I have high expectations... that will probably be dashed quite soon)



Javi's dog experiences were with big, strong, slobbery, macho dogs who had lots of room to play outside. They were rough and tumble outside dogs that were fun to run around with. My dog experience was a 13 lb mini dachshund who loved to lie in front of the fire and bark at birds. So of course, our hopes for our sweet Maya are quite different.

I have already dog-proofed the house, used the phrase "that's not good enough for my puppy", and have fretted a lot about her training. Javi, on the other hand, has continued to repeat to me "it's a dog" and has lost no sleep over her soon-arrival.

Things are about to get very interesting around the Elizalde house...here's to puppy training!

the not-so-incredible-she-hulk

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we can find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside...

it's been less than 1 week of praying for love. and i am so far from it.

whenever i perceive that someone is disrespecting me or frustrating my plans or not going my way i turn into this hate-filled angry person. hatred that sits so deep within me wells up and i turn into an animal going for the jugular with claws out. i'm so filled with meanness. i'm so filled with impatience. i'm so filled with defensiveness and rebellion. it oozes out of me, the not-so-incredible-she-hulk, more than love does (sure, i love my friends and family and those who love me, but what good is that?)


and afterward, when the adrenaline subsides i'm left with the memory of hurtful words, extreme conviction, and the knowledge that i have just glorified in wounding someone else. for something they may or may not have actually done. who wants to live like this?

...It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive at every start (mumford&sons)

oh, Lord, teach me how to love!

sowing

Unlike many a Denton wife I cannot sew. I mean, I braved the sewing machine for Javi's Christmas present, but I am not visual enough for that type of creative work. But I'm not talking about that kind of sewing -- sowing, as in gardening. Which I do not to either. (I'm a bad Denton hippie)

People often talk about gaining weight when you first get married. And while Javi and I have focused on keeping ourselves fit and healthy (despite what a personal trainer insinuated today at the gym -- but he can bite me), we have not "let ourselves go" in that area of life.

When Javi and I first started dating (or not-dating to be more accurate), I spent 8 months in detailed, intentional prayer for our relationship. I truly believe that because of God's faithfulness towards persistent prayers (and pray-ers) He has allowed us to walk in much love, gentleness, kindness, peace, joy, self control, and faithfulness. However, now that we are married I have to confess that there's an attitude of a "I've accomplished, I'm married, whew, I'm done now" in my heart. A very wrong attitude.

I've "let myself go". I have stopped sowing.

But today, I was reminded that we reap what we sow. And currently I'm sowing a love for How I Met Your Mother, instead of a foundation for a good marriage.

So here's the game plan - for the next 12 months I will have a focus of prayer. This focused prayer will be based on a characteristic that I want the Lord to produce in my marriage - it will be a fruit of the Spirit, a characteristic of godliness, a necessity of daily life. My hope is that the Lord will continue to bless what He has put together and that He will make it grow.

February is love. <3

new name

Not just for my blog, but I now -legally- have a new name. Names are funny things -- in a lot of ways they define you, they dictate who you are and where you come from. Last names bring with them traditions, memories, and ways of doing things. Baby names are often given based on what they mean, in hopes that good things will come for their child. God often changed peoples names to signify a change in them that He has brought about or will bring about.

I'm an Elizalde now.
A wife. A new family. A new culture.

But, awkwardly, at the same time my name changes, Javi has to go back to Mexico and I'm here living as if I were still single. I've never understood people that complain when their husbands go out of town - I've always thought "get over it. you've lived this long without him. you're still your own person". In some ways there's truth there - but in other ways that's wrong. There's a unity in a marriage, intimacy, a deep "knowing" of another person. Daily life is new and there is a freedom to be completely you in a way I've never understood as an outsider looking in. So, in a way, as you learn from the other, you learn about yourself because you continue to grow and change. And all of the sudden, you're different. You're new. You have a new name.

Yet

I'm still Michelle. I'm still an individual. Javi does not "complete" me. I have my likes and dislikes. Things that stir my soul for Christ. Things I can do in solitude. Books to read, music to dance to, friends to laugh with, food to cook. My longings for my husband while he's away are not to define me or make me feel "less" but are to remind me that everything is temporary. Even marriage is not eternal.

I have a Husband who does complete me. One who never sleeps, always hears, and will never leave me. One who will one day be with me face-to-face. And even now I see Him dimly, I hope and long for the day when He will come back to me and take me with Him.

You've taken my pain and called me by a new name
You've taken my shame and in its place, You give me joy
You take my mourning, turn it into dancing
You take my weeping, turn it into laughing