casa - itis

MEDICAL HISTORY
We are moving from our 1st apt to our 1st (rented) house at the end of this month. We are both beyond excited (for a garden, a back yard, a grill, more rooms to decorate, our own washer and dryer) but as with anything in life, nothing comes easy.

SYMPTOMS
this month has been hard financially and *thankfully* I got paid today... but then I checked the mail and found more bills and a red light ticket ::sigh::

I keep having these money freakouts because that's my big idol - I like to have money to spend on what I want to spend it on (see above: rooms to decorate) but not to pay boring things (see above: bills, deposits, and tickets). I want it for me. I want a house that's as nice and put together as my friends'. And since they all have amazing house decorating skills there's this competitive/"not good enough" spirit where joy should be. And instead of saying "I want this house to reflect me" it's becoming a "I want my house to be cuter than my friends'..."

DIAGNOSIS
In all honesty, I want all the "r"s. I want a bigger house, a nicer car, fancier clothes, etc... You know, the materialistic dream (which, for many, causes more money problems and repeats the cycle of frustration).

All in all I'm learning that my heart is darker than I thought.
I'm more materialistic than I wish I was.
I'm less content than I realized.
I'm more broken than I choose to remember.

PRESCRIPTION
Money itself doesn't suck - it's an opportunity to show our trust in God, to learn wisdom and stewardship, to bless others, and to live in a way that shows our treasure is not here on earth.

my treasure is not in a house. or cute straight-out-of-a-decor-magazine rooms. or in a number in a bank account. my treasure cannot be taken away because I am a daughter of the King. and my treasure is in Him.

EXPECTED RECUPERATION TIME
although today my wicked heart tries to cling to things of this world for value, security, and comfort -one day You will set all things right -jj heller "your hands" Until then, I have a husband and friends who point me towards truth and a sympathetic God who knows and forgives.