sometimes what we want isn't what we get
sometimes what we get ain't really what we want
As you may remember I decided last month to begin intentional month-long prayers for javi, myself, and our marriage. March was for humility. God is a generous God. sometimes i forget this.
The rug has been pulled out from underneath me in several big life circumstances. If I were to list them all here it would just be overwhelming - but trust me, it's hard gritty dramatic life stuff. This has sent me into a spiral of reflection, reaction, and repentance.
It's a daily battle between my emotions and human thoughts vs God's sovereignty and control. It's a daily battle between my trust in the victory and sufficience of the Cross vs my unbelief.
And it's a daily reminder of Who is in control.
I am like the grass.
I am like the wind.
I am like the grasshoppers.
I am but a lily in a field.
I am chaff blown away.
I am nothing.
I
am
nothing.
I know nothing.I control nothing.
I can fix nothing.
I can heal nothing.
I can save nothing.
I can assure nothing.
I can plan nothing.
God alone is on the throne.
everything we have, everything we've got -- it was given
ain't a thing we need that heaven forgot -- it was given.
"O God most high, most glorious
The thought of Thine infinite serenity cheers me,
For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,
but Thou art for ever at perfect peace.
Thy designs cause Thee no fear or care of unfulfillment,
they stand fast as the eternal hills.
Thy power knows no bond, Thy goodness no stint.
Thou bringest order out of confusion,
and my defeats are Thy victories.
The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
I come to Thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,
to leave every concern entirely to Thee,
every sin calling for Christ's precious blood..." (Valley of Vision prayers)
