Together we can see what we can find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside...
it's been less than 1 week of praying for love. and i am so far from it.
whenever i perceive that someone is disrespecting me or frustrating my plans or not going my way i turn into this hate-filled angry person. hatred that sits so deep within me wells up and i turn into an animal going for the jugular with claws out. i'm so filled with meanness. i'm so filled with impatience. i'm so filled with defensiveness and rebellion. it oozes out of me, the not-so-incredible-she-hulk, more than love does (sure, i love my friends and family and those who love me, but what good is that?)
and afterward, when the adrenaline subsides i'm left with the memory of hurtful words, extreme conviction, and the knowledge that i have just glorified in wounding someone else. for something they may or may not have actually done. who wants to live like this?
...It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive at every start (mumford&sons)
oh, Lord, teach me how to love!
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