welcome to miami (bienvenido a mi, a mi!)

so i'm in miami for a training for Mexico City and i like the adventure so much. Florida is different, there's a breeze, palm trees, many cultures and languages spoken all the time and people assume that I know Spanish (which is awesome!)

new things i've done so far: walked to all of my meals, ate alone, had peruvian food (which was green chicken soup!), saw a shoe shiner, ordered from a menu w/o taking the price into consideration, slept alone in a hotel, stood next to men in their fatigues at the airport and suddenly felt pride and sadness at seeing the American flag...


here are some deeper thoughts from my journal:

"During the flight i heard You asking me 'if you never got married, would I be enough for you?' My honest answer is i don't know - but i'm not sure i'm ready for an intense converstaion yet. My stomach is full of chicken fried steak, eggs, and hash browns, and this soft bed and sunshine are lulling me to sleep. Maybe after dinner...

I can't ignore this any more. Would You be enough? Would i give up my expectation to be married? do i love and trust you enought let go? is my treasure on earth or heaven? Do I want to be devoted to you in body and spirit, without divided interest? Do i believe You are better?
I'm sorry for wishing for a different plan.

Sorry for begrudging selfish thoughts. My life should not be me living for myself but for Your Will - which is that You receive glory and that i am nearer to You. I believe these will come with Mexico...will i trade in my expectation of marriage for this?

In view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act or worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

If I let go is it because I want to obey or I know I should?

If I let go because I believe this is merely a test of faith, am I really letting go or saying what I should to pass this test?

Change my heart so I can believe You are better and so I can follow Your good, pleasing, and perfect will."


more to come on the saga that is life...