I've been a faithful fan of Xanga for a long time and will continue to post on there, but I find I'm most encouraged when I read about others' thoughts and when I feel I can share my own... so I suppose I've "conformed" to something more "popular" ...

I write for 3 reasons: to get thoughts out of my head, to teach what I'm learning, to share my struggles and God's victories.

but today is a struggle day.



i'm moving to mexico city soon, for those of you who don't know, and my family does not support me. this has hit the fan this week and it's been difficult when God's response is :

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple...In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. [luke14]

a while back i went to World Mandate, a world-wide missions conference. i learned so much from that and i was looking back at my journals - i think it was the first time that i really wanted my family to be saved for their own good (and not just because it would make things easier on me). more and more frequently it resurfaces. more and more it begins to be reality - they don't see the world as i do. the life they live is so so so different. and it's starting to hurt more.

tonight i wrote this during worship:

"in a family that doesn't speak of You
a spiritual vaccuum
in a million similar families
You save one
and ask her to do the illogical...
there are no coincidences"

who am I, oh King, that You would notice me?
You found me
and You saved me from myself
for Your glory

He who has ears, let him hear.