shady business

I've always struggled with the concept that God loves me. or that He likes me -- I typically think of God as that family member who loves me bc He has to but not because He really likes me. I know this is not true and completely opposite of His character, so I decided to read Scripture to discover His loving character. And where better to start than in the Old Testament?

So in Genesis you have murderers, cowards, braggarts, deceivers, liars, doubters, passive husbands, greedy controlling wives, quarreling brothers, envious people, rapists, and did I leave anything out? Basically, it's shady. People are shady. There is no one who is righteous. Not one.

At one point I found myself getting so frustrated with God when I kept reading about how Jacob was tricking everybody and I said "God, why do you keep blessing him? He's so SHADY!!" -- and in that moment I felt like the metaphorical mirror was lifted to my face and I realized "why does He bless me? I'm so shady too!" - Then I quickly repented and said "thank You" about a 100 times.

But it just goes to show I have much to learn. My pride keeps me from seeing the ugly in me; and when that's lifted I keep doubting God's love. But how does God respond in all of this? Compassion, listening, speaking, teaching, rebuking in love, clothing, saving, protecting, guarding, generosity... He loves the shady characters. He meets them, wrestles with them, calls them out and makes them more mature. They become someone different, He changes their names. They die wiser and more aware of God's nature and person. They die blessed.