The One Where Chandler tries to end his gym membership

A few weeks ago I had signed up for a free personal training session at the gym. It's free and an opportunity to learn something - I def never wanted to pay extra for it. Hence the signing-up-bc-it's-free part. But as I sat across the table of the muscular, friendly trainer to hear him talk about his plan for me and how we were going to reach my goals I realized that this would probably turn out more like the Friends episode than I was hoping. (see http://www.friends-tv.org/zz404.html for details if you're not a die-hard Friends fan)

As I've thought about that this afternoon I noticed a pattern in my speech that tends to go like this

"ugh my students will hate me"
"the parents will hate me and send me mean emails"
"they're probably thinking this about me"
"what if he thinks this about me?"
"what will she think?"
"how will she respond if i say what i'm really thinking/feeling?"

aka I'm fearful and allowing my expressions to be curbed by this fear.

Being in a different culture and speaking a different language that you don't fully understand can definitely bring this about. When you are a white woman dealing with the hurts and prejudices that some have of you and your culture (coming to "save the world" because "Americans are better than you") - it makes you self-aware, self-conscious, and always on the lookout for the signs that you've offended someone.

Not that I'm saying we shouldn't be aware, be slow to speak, and think thoroughly through our actions and words before they come out... however

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25