sowing

Unlike many a Denton wife I cannot sew. I mean, I braved the sewing machine for Javi's Christmas present, but I am not visual enough for that type of creative work. But I'm not talking about that kind of sewing -- sowing, as in gardening. Which I do not to either. (I'm a bad Denton hippie)

People often talk about gaining weight when you first get married. And while Javi and I have focused on keeping ourselves fit and healthy (despite what a personal trainer insinuated today at the gym -- but he can bite me), we have not "let ourselves go" in that area of life.

When Javi and I first started dating (or not-dating to be more accurate), I spent 8 months in detailed, intentional prayer for our relationship. I truly believe that because of God's faithfulness towards persistent prayers (and pray-ers) He has allowed us to walk in much love, gentleness, kindness, peace, joy, self control, and faithfulness. However, now that we are married I have to confess that there's an attitude of a "I've accomplished, I'm married, whew, I'm done now" in my heart. A very wrong attitude.

I've "let myself go". I have stopped sowing.

But today, I was reminded that we reap what we sow. And currently I'm sowing a love for How I Met Your Mother, instead of a foundation for a good marriage.

So here's the game plan - for the next 12 months I will have a focus of prayer. This focused prayer will be based on a characteristic that I want the Lord to produce in my marriage - it will be a fruit of the Spirit, a characteristic of godliness, a necessity of daily life. My hope is that the Lord will continue to bless what He has put together and that He will make it grow.

February is love. <3

new name

Not just for my blog, but I now -legally- have a new name. Names are funny things -- in a lot of ways they define you, they dictate who you are and where you come from. Last names bring with them traditions, memories, and ways of doing things. Baby names are often given based on what they mean, in hopes that good things will come for their child. God often changed peoples names to signify a change in them that He has brought about or will bring about.

I'm an Elizalde now.
A wife. A new family. A new culture.

But, awkwardly, at the same time my name changes, Javi has to go back to Mexico and I'm here living as if I were still single. I've never understood people that complain when their husbands go out of town - I've always thought "get over it. you've lived this long without him. you're still your own person". In some ways there's truth there - but in other ways that's wrong. There's a unity in a marriage, intimacy, a deep "knowing" of another person. Daily life is new and there is a freedom to be completely you in a way I've never understood as an outsider looking in. So, in a way, as you learn from the other, you learn about yourself because you continue to grow and change. And all of the sudden, you're different. You're new. You have a new name.

Yet

I'm still Michelle. I'm still an individual. Javi does not "complete" me. I have my likes and dislikes. Things that stir my soul for Christ. Things I can do in solitude. Books to read, music to dance to, friends to laugh with, food to cook. My longings for my husband while he's away are not to define me or make me feel "less" but are to remind me that everything is temporary. Even marriage is not eternal.

I have a Husband who does complete me. One who never sleeps, always hears, and will never leave me. One who will one day be with me face-to-face. And even now I see Him dimly, I hope and long for the day when He will come back to me and take me with Him.

You've taken my pain and called me by a new name
You've taken my shame and in its place, You give me joy
You take my mourning, turn it into dancing
You take my weeping, turn it into laughing

2010 in 2010 words or less

I love Recaps!!

January - I ring in the New Year with my crazy sister Rachel, being goofy and high on life.



February - Javier gets his Visa and I get the news during the school day - my students start celebrating, cheering, and dancing with me.

March - I turn 25 in the Big Apple with some of my favorite people. Javier comes to Texas, meets my family, asks my dad the "big question", and later asks me! What a good month!





April - Javier's first snow. I survive the TAKS test (this is huge).



May - Sign the lease for our new apartment, wedding planning in full force, ending the school year.

June - Day after school is out, I fly down to Mexico to get paperwork in order for the wedding.

July - We get legally married!




August - I move, spend some relax time in Tyler, buy a new car, and start a new school year.

September - I don't think I slept much this month... can't remember it.

October - Married!! Twice!!




November - Javier's 1st American Bday. Road Trip through Austin, to San Antonio. Javier's 1st Thanksgiving with the Eatons/Carters.



December - Stress at work hits an all time high; I cry. I get my first REAL Christmas tree. Thankful for vacation we go to Houston for Christmas, then to New Orleans and Shreveport.




What a whirlwind year full of plans, weddings, trips, love, supportive friends, new family, and the continual overwhelming blessings of God.

2010, you were good to me. Here's to 2011.

We are not unaware of his schemes

Armor Up!

March in formation
battalion, we move as one
we fight for no country
nor for freedom
(they are already ours to possess)
we fight for love of our powerful leader
whose name only he knows

he leads us on a white horse
the battlefield is open
with no where to hide
it's impossible to escape the flaming arrows that arc above us
and pin us down with deadly accuracy

Lift up your shields!
Follow your captain!
He leads to victory and peace
Stand firm!
Trust his promises!
He knows all and never fails

Train hard!
Armor up!
Although we may fall, we will be saved
Fear not!
Run towards the front line!
There, the bravest face suffering with joy

Do not surrender!
Be strong of heart!
Soon the enemies will become footstools
crushed beneath our heels
Lift up the wounded!
Carry them on your backs!
They are invaluable and favored by the captain

Though night may fall
and darkness envelops
do not fear the invisible
for when we call out
a pillar of fire burns down from heaven
a light unto our feet
a wall of protection

As dawn breaks do not grow weary
Lift up your swords!
Strengthen feeble arms!
Let the name above all renew your soul to fight another day
that it may be said of you
"good and faithful"

The name of our leader is a war-cry
causing fear in the souls of our enemies
Armor up!

~me, 5/6/08

shady business

I've always struggled with the concept that God loves me. or that He likes me -- I typically think of God as that family member who loves me bc He has to but not because He really likes me. I know this is not true and completely opposite of His character, so I decided to read Scripture to discover His loving character. And where better to start than in the Old Testament?

So in Genesis you have murderers, cowards, braggarts, deceivers, liars, doubters, passive husbands, greedy controlling wives, quarreling brothers, envious people, rapists, and did I leave anything out? Basically, it's shady. People are shady. There is no one who is righteous. Not one.

At one point I found myself getting so frustrated with God when I kept reading about how Jacob was tricking everybody and I said "God, why do you keep blessing him? He's so SHADY!!" -- and in that moment I felt like the metaphorical mirror was lifted to my face and I realized "why does He bless me? I'm so shady too!" - Then I quickly repented and said "thank You" about a 100 times.

But it just goes to show I have much to learn. My pride keeps me from seeing the ugly in me; and when that's lifted I keep doubting God's love. But how does God respond in all of this? Compassion, listening, speaking, teaching, rebuking in love, clothing, saving, protecting, guarding, generosity... He loves the shady characters. He meets them, wrestles with them, calls them out and makes them more mature. They become someone different, He changes their names. They die wiser and more aware of God's nature and person. They die blessed.

s.u.b.m.i.s.s.i.o.n.

stephanie, i only hope my blog can be as transparent as yours.

I'm preparing to get married and with that comes the plans and details of two weddings, the details of the civil wedding, the premarital counseling, the book reading, the culture compromising, and of course the time with the Lord who is preparing my heart.

a while back He showed me just how prideful i am. i say this with a certain amount of hatred as i think about it - i think i know better than God and therefore i don't need Him. i wasn't praying unless i wanted something and i thought the Bible was too boring to be worthy of my time. praise God that He woos us back to Himself and doesn't let us run our own way.

let Thy goodness
like a fetter
bind my wandering heart to Thee

Now as i ponder the meaning of love, of submission, of authority, of responsibilities of marriage i realize that this too is a demonstration of my pridefulness vs my humility. Am i willing to submit to a man? to follow his decisions? to trust that the Lord is leading him and guiding him into what will be best for us both? Am I humble enough to bite my tongue when all I can think is "I told you so!"? Am I able to respect a human man and follow him when I struggle with doing so with a perfect and wise God? It's true though that this is a heart issue and that I'm not alone. The fall of man made sure that the husband would rule over the woman and the woman would want to fight back. I sometimes bristle at the thought of "submission" but it's truly because of my own prideful sinful heart.

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

How beautiful would our marriage be if I, instead of clinging to my own way, submitted myself out of respect and love for my husband and we could honor and reflect God's way of doing life to those around us? How lovely would it be, how glorifying, for others to see a new way of marriage and to question and wonder about the ways of Christ! Truly our purpose is to glorify God, and to think that my humility (along with the work of the Holy Spirit) could be a catalyst towards the softening of someone's stone heart to the things of Christ... what an honor, what a responsibility, what a hard task lies before me and my extremely prideful heart...

This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

mercado

I walk down the crowded streets filled with swerving buses, honking cars, teenage lovers on a bench, homeless men sleeping in the shade, and older woman congregating to talk. As I enter into the mercado (market) I am bombarded with color and sound - red, green, and blue tarps protect the fragrant and exotic fruits from the warm sunshine. The flowers are in full bloom and are being thrust upon me by the workers persuading me to pay $2 for the fresh batch of roses that smell so good my knees get a little weak. The reggeaton music blends with the 90s american pop blasting from opposing stereos in a decibel war; where nearby an old tired man sells parrots hopping from perch to perch. Everywhere I walk I'm surrounded by people offering me their goods and a smile comes to my face every time they call me "huera" (white girl) or "reinita" (princess/little queen). I walk slowly through this cocktail of senses drinking in the baskets of blackberries for $1, the perfect plums, the sweet oranges, the strange fruits that look like small cherries but I can't pronounce their names. The variety of chiles, red ripe tomatoes, and mountains of green limes catch my eye as my ears hear the squeaking of the tortilla machine, cranking out beautiful corn tortillas from the hand-made masa the old woman has spent all morning preparing. The cacti are being de-spined, lines form, food is weighed, people negotiate and coins are counted as mothers and grandmothers alike rush home with their treasures to feed their families.

(not my picture)

Just another day in the mercado.